| Friday, May 20th, 2005 |
| 3:49 pm |
and its raining grey as i make my way outside to try to make my way home your pictures on the walls like to scream what they say "keep your questions to yourself, yourself, go back to sleep alone" next to the body of someone i don't know so was it good? or does it matter? just get up and go i dont understand these games we play but everytime i wake i'm scared that its the last breath i will take so please forgive me for hesitating in approaching this trial and error that is loving all i need is just an hour or two to make you understand what its like to be discarded after use heart, mind, and body up for rent yet you like to act like i'm not worth a fucking penny that you spent i'm easy to bend, you tend to break you like to burn the things you take from me, from me, from me, all of me so please forgive me for hesitating in approaching this trial and error that is loving all i need is just an hour or two to make you understand what its like to be discarded after use youre just the body of someone i dont know so was it good? or does it matter? just get up and go i dont understand these games we play but everytime i wake im scared that its the last breath i will take so please forgive me for hesitating in approaching this trial and error that is your loving all i need is just an hour or two to make you understand what its like to be discarded after use all i need is loving i just need your loving so please forgive me |
| Wednesday, April 20th, 2005 |
| 12:25 am |
::: ten bands/performers that you have seen live (in no order)::: 1. Keller Williams 2. Kaki King 3. The Dead 4. Yonder Mountain String Band 5. Bela Fleck and the Flecktones 6. Perpetual Groove 7. Moe. 8. The String Cheese Incident 9. Widespread Panic 10. Toots and the Maytals :::nine things that you are looking forward to (in no order)::: 1. Mike Gordon next week 2. performing with my band 3. good shows over the summer 4. summertime 5. bonaroo 6. finishing the painting im working on 7. Starting Adam's painting 8. Tomorrow with Matthew 9. Moving in with Matthew :::eight things you wear daily (in no order)::: 1. My Matthew hemp 2. either the hemp Matthew gave me with the glass bead some random hippie girl gave him, or one that i made 3. my twisty swirly copper bracelt that kinda looks like my hair 4. a flowy skirt 5. my hemp pretzel knot ankelt 6. flip flops or knock off berks that i ganked from Matthew 7. a tshirt or wife beater 8. my engagement ring and wedding band :::seven things that annoy you (in no order)::: 1. addiction 2. abuse 3. rude people 4. those who refuse to open their minds 5. my pudge 6. bad drivers 7. dishonesty :::six things you touch every day (in no order)::: 1. Matthew 2. my car 3. my pets 4. my guitar 5. a book 6. my cell phone :::five movies that you could watch over and over (in no order)::: 1. American Beauty 2. Festival Express 3. The Fifth Element 4. Half Baked 5. Lost and Delerious :::four people who you would want to spend more time with (in no order)::: 1. Sarh 2. Elise 3. April 4. my parents :::three cd's/records that you listened to last::: 1. Garden State soundtrack 2. Kaki King- Legs to Make Us Longer 3. The Essential Janis Joplin :::two of your favorite songs ever::: 1. Imagine- John Lennon 2. At Last- Etta James :::one person that you would spend the rest of your life with::: 1. My Matthew... and i will |
| Friday, April 15th, 2005 |
| 11:23 am |
went to another amazing show this week. Kaki King at the Redlight Cafe. She was fantastic. I love her. scary how she looks EXACTLY like my sister. wow, it would be really cool if my sister could play guitar like that. I want to see her again! Next is Mike Gordon with the Benevento Russo Duo. Ive never seen them before- has anyone here? how are they?I hear back from Clean Vibes in a few days to see if my application was accepted. i so hope that it was, id love to go clean up bonaroo this year. my parents bought an appartment yesterday, so theyre actually gonna go through with this moving thing. im really happy for them. Matthew, update your journal. i need good things to read. love you. |
| Monday, April 4th, 2005 |
| 1:16 am |
i got two random disposable cameras developed today. i didn't know what was on them, so i was very pleasantly surprised to find one of them was pictures of me and Matt from last spring. it made me so happy flipping through them and seeing all of our cuteness. Matthew is the best. |
| Friday, April 1st, 2005 |
| 11:56 pm |
Commit random kindness and senseless acts of beauty |
| 12:28 am |
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| Thursday, March 31st, 2005 |
| 11:12 pm |
A miracle has occurred. Ladies and gentlemen... drumroll please *drumrolldrumrolldrumrolldrumrolldrumrol l* Today, I passed my driver's test FUCK YES!!!!!! |
| 12:05 am |
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| Wednesday, March 30th, 2005 |
| 11:30 pm |
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| 11:23 am |
im scared. i change moment to moment now. things can be fine, i'll be happy and smiling. the next thing i know i'll feel like i cant stand. that happens for no reason at all. when i have a bad day on top of it, i have to force myself to keep breathing |
| Tuesday, March 29th, 2005 |
| 10:54 pm |
today i recorded a new comercial. this one was the most fun i've had doing such work. it was a song thats gonna be used in the comercial for the bratz pack dolls... they're like punkish super whorish barbies. pretty cool. it was fun to do because it was so different from what i usually do (they wanted it to sound like ashlee simpsonish) so i got to be really theatrical with it, and the guys who hired me will be good connections. plus it pays well. i have cramps. fuck tomorrow i have to be at work at 7. i'm not excited about this. i'm sleepy. i love you matt |
| Sunday, March 27th, 2005 |
| 2:27 pm |
i love springtime rain. its grey outside, but the earth is starting to turn a thousand bright colors. its just warm enough to run around in. im wearing the shirt and pants you slept in last night, your smell still lingering just a little. i love sleeping beside you. i love springs together. i love your arms. i love your heart. i love us. |
| Wednesday, March 9th, 2005 |
| 2:57 am |
i'm leaving in 7 hours for ft lauderdale til friday, and then on to Langerado this weekend. i'll be back monday. til then Becca: Sorry i didnt call you back last night. i'll call you when i get home Sarah: Take care of my eskimo boots. If they die, so will you. have fun on your vacation Matthew: Deal still on? It better be! I love you sooooooooooooo extremely much. You have my heart fully and completely. BE SAFE! I'm gonna tackle your ass come Friday. Obscene amounts of hugs and kisses xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo |
| Monday, March 7th, 2005 |
| 2:19 am |
from time to time, this distinct sensation rises up in my chest. it feels like my body is about to break in half, and all the love inside it will come pouring out, because my physical being is not big enough to hold it all. it is peace and ecstasy and longing and contentment and energy and everything all at the same time. I love you Current Mood:  calmCurrent Music: "The Blower's Daughter" |
| Friday, March 4th, 2005 |
| 6:05 pm |
Tonight's Agenda: See moe. at the Tabernacle (my favorite venue) Tomorrow night's Agenda: See moe. at the Fox (my second favorite venue) i am a happy camper Current Mood:  bouncyCurrent Music: moe. |
| Thursday, March 3rd, 2005 |
| 10:31 am |
the dmv is filled with the workers of Satan. i failed my test again. but it was my fault, not the demons. it was rather funny actually. i was trying to make a uturn around the median on the highway, and i thought i had time to make the turn before the truck that was comming down the hill reached me. alas, i did not. i barely made it, with the redneck instructor in the passengers seat screaming "oh my LOOOOORD!" the jackasses in the truck pulled up beside me and almost hit me from the side just so they could lean out the window and flick me off, so while trying to avoid them smashing into me, i drove up on the median. it really sucks... but i honestly couldnt be too upset about it because it was just so comical. i'm a good driver. i really am. everyone who ever gets behind the wheel of a car will have moments when they make the wrong decision and the results are far less than desireable. mine just happened to be with during my exam. oh well, third times a charm |
| Monday, February 28th, 2005 |
| 5:08 pm |
We who are your closest friends feel the time has come to tell you that every Thursday we have been meeting, as a group, to devise ways to keep you in perpetual uncertainty frustration discontent and torture by neither loving you as much as you want nor cutting you adrift. your analyst is in on it, plus your boyfriend and your ex-husband; and we have pledged to disappoint you as long as you need us. In announcing our association we realize we have placed in your hands a possible antidote against uncertainty indeed against ourselves. But since our Thursday nights have brought us to a community of purpose rare in itself with you as the natural center, we feel hopeful you will continue to make unreasonable demands for affection if not as a consequence of your disastrous personality then for the good of the collective. |
| Saturday, February 26th, 2005 |
| 4:50 pm |
i like this quote
"I wanted to live in my husband's heart. He was my star, my destiny, my faith, my end. I was small, but I had within me an immense power for living. I had gathered all the starlight in the universe into my eyes in order to bathe him in its glow. A love like that was a serious illness, an illness from which you never entirely recover." ~ Consuelo de Saint-Exupery |
| Friday, February 25th, 2005 |
| 2:48 am |
she comes and goes like the ebb and flow of currents swirling and churning and twists back the arm of her victim until the wretched sternum splits and from the fault shreeks "what more?" she tilts her head, her smile a dreadful delight "what more? WHAT MORE? nothing. only the same. until you bleed a deeper red" and thus the child falls crumpled, beaten by the cries of ten thousand souls, into a paroxysm of laughter and here i will stay curled in my corner until i die and start again Abraxas, you have failed me |
| Sunday, February 20th, 2005 |
| 3:46 pm |
im sick... sad panda Current Mood:  sick |
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